holy smoke

welcome to my new blog. i'm not sure if the mark twain quote above is a bit cheesy but for now it's staying put as i like the sentiment.

i was supposed to be on a flight 2 days ago back to belize, via houston texas, but the volcano has put a stop to that until next wednesday at least. i quite like that our little world as we know it has been proven to be insignificant. am hoping they have made the right decision putting flights back on, i'm a very nervous flier and now i've got an actual reason to be more worried i'm not looking forward to that at all. i think things should stay on the ground in general, apart from fish and birds, who belong in the sea and the sky respectively, and worms who live underneath the ground.

the plan on returning to belize is that me and bert (henceforth restored to his proper name of robert) will be managing a resort on an island (i keep calling it a desert island which robert tells me off for). the island is called hatchet caye and is 18 miles off the coast of southern belize, 1 mile from the reef. it has palm trees and sand and sea, and currently 40 workers building new cabins for the guests. robert is currently based on the mainland in belize city and doing 'logistical' things, like buying food for the workers and getting it sent over on the island barge. and renovating a house the island owner chris has bought. it's quite strange to be going away again, having been back for 4 months, and there are still some unknown unknowns even though i do know some knowns too about things over there. you can see the island at www.hatchet-caye.com

whilst robert was here during january and february, we visited some castles - windsor, skipton, nearly warwick. we were mainly in search of the round table and king arthur's knights, having watched camelot the musical, at robert's request. his face fell when mum mentioned that king arthur is more legendary than actual, as he said he'd read that the round table was at windsor castle. tunrs out it's at winchester, and it's not quite the 'real' one, it's from 12something which is quite a bit later. vanessa redgrave and richard harris play guinevere and arthur, and franco niro plays lancelot, him and vanessa got together on this film, and later split up then got married recently apparently. he's got very blue eyes.

we also put up an old shed and renovated it including painting it inside and out (the colour of franco niro's eyes), taking off the metalwork, paint stripping it, and repainting it, sanding the floor, varnishing it, and now it's full of cushions and blankets like a morrocan tea room. helie put some indian incense in it too, but i think it's too small for that kind of thing, it made me feel a bit sick. it also has a wooden wind chime which makes it sound like a tibetan monastery. across the valley you can see a llama farm, it's quite fun to watch them running about from inside the shed.

to earn some money before going away again i have done some gardening next door, killed some rats for an old lady, worked on reception at a gasket firm (before you ask, a gasket is the thing that seals things like in a fridge door or car door, but my place made big ones for undersea oil pipes and oil rigs. for all your international gasket needs, i think was its slogan. i got told off for eating a sandwich at my desk, it was that kind of place you know), also worked at simply paving calling customers and checking they would be in when their paving was delivered. i could eat my sandwich at my desk there and i had a really good comfy swivelly office chair and a view of a little park.

things i've learnt whilst back in england:
they grow rhubarb by candle light in the rhubarb triangle (wakefield, morley, rothwell);
york minster is built on the site of the roman basilica, they only realised this recently when they had to excavate the foundations as it was sinking;
halifax parish church has been renamed a minster - falsely, it turns out as i discovered you can only become a minster if you were used for performing the ministry in saxon times - the parish church wasn't even built then;
i have arthritis in my toes;
i can type at 93 wpm - i wonder if i could get to 100;
how to change a nappy - on kathryn's baby josie, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, also josie's head didn't fall off when i held her;
that the man who owns the island we will be living on has the same name as my uncle;
that i can cycle at half the speed i used to be able to, but i did manage to cycle up some steep hills, i did a whole 33 miles one day over into lancashire (didn't need to show my passport) and back down through todmorden (full of strange people) and hebden bridge (where the cool bike shop is where i hired a mountain bike from - it's called blazing saddles and they're all very friendly);
i quite like running, me and abi have been going every week, and also to pilates which is all about strengthening your core - your powerhouse they call it..;
how to use motorized hedge trimmers, and a power drill as a sander, and also that if you are screwing a screw in and it's too loose you can wadge up the hole with a matchstick;
that paint stripper is acidic and burns your skin if it goes on you;
that it's quicker going the a38 route to birmingham, not m62, m6;
that fountain pens are a really nice invention.

i have read some poetry as i didn't have enough attention span for books; i got a bit obsessed with masterchef; i sold some things on ebay, some more successfully than others - the first thing i sold it cost me more to post than i had made on it; me and robert met a man called george pickles (my dad's name) in ripon - he's the hornblower for the town and had ex raf friends, so we went to their club because robert is a pilot too, we entered a (raf)raffle but left before they drew it; we watched a huge tree being felled in the field opposite our garden; we went on the london eye in the fog; we visited fountains abbey, durham cathedral, the lake district; i turned down a job in keswick as a chef - can you imagine it, me cooking for 85 people, i can barely cook for myself. i liked the idea of living in keswick though, we had a nice afternoon tea at the hotel there. apart from when i asked the waiter if we could order coffee for one but with 2 cups, and he said no absolutely not at all, it'd be contravening company policy. so we ordered 2 coffees. i thought he ought to go back to poland with that attitude, and told him so, but under my breath so as not to offend him.

i have just heard that the world's largest rabbit has been insured for 1 million pounds - he's 4 foot 3 inches, now needs a bodyguard, and eats 12 carrots, 6 apples and 2 cabbages every day. here's our cat charlie, who doesn't have a bodyguard.

and finally here is the best joke ever: who is the roundest knight of the round table? sir cumference.